#BlogElul2013: See

I’m excerpting this from an essay I published elsewhere on the internet – just a small paragraph, but it sums up my last moments as a non-Jew beautifully.

I head to the preparation room to ready myself for my immersion, trying to stay calm as I look into the mirror before picking up the phone to call Leah, my mikveh attendant, to let her know I am ready. These are my last moments as a non-Jew, I think to myself. I take one last look at myself in the mirror, a smile of anticipation lighting up my face. Taking a deep breath, I call Leah, then head into the mikveh.

That moment, where I looked at myself in the mirror, truly saw myself, and smiled was incredibly powerful. I saw myself as a woman on the verge of a profound, yet invisible transition – from non-Jew to Jew, the fulfillment of a dream long held and long denied.

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#BlogElul2013: Hear

Hearing is different than listening. When we listen to another, we take in the sound of their voices, their words. But when we hear them, when we dig deeper than listening, we pick up on the subtle cues that were not present when just listening. When we hear someone, we get the fuller picture: the joys, the fears, the anxieties.  Sometimes I wonder how many of our interpersonal communication issues could be resolved if we took the time to hear, rather than simply listen.  It’s good food for thought.

#BlogElul2013: Believe

I am someone who relishes reading all sorts of material from any corner of the internet, regardless of whether it makes me angry, makes me question, or is simply diametrically opposed to my worldview.  Sometimes this is just a purely intellectual exercise – I enjoy finding out what makes people who are so different from me “tick,” and other times, it is a useful exercise in critical thinking, in finding some semblance of common ground, and I’ve found that my thinking gets shaped by what I read and how I interpret it.

I don’t generally venture into the realm of atheist blogs/communities online, but in the course of pursuing other interests, I’ve come across a sizable number of skeptics, who seem to see it as their life’s mission to decry any form of outdated, superstitious, silly nonsense (or, to use their favorite term, “wooo”). Some of these skeptics are dear friends of mine, but I’ll admit that, as a person of faith, knowing that their skepticism extends into their religious beliefs (or lack thereof), and sometimes, it can be tricky not to take their blanket statements about people who believe a tiny bit personally. Yet, at the same time, I know that they have a point – I have no way to prove that God is real. All I can do is take the proof that has been offered up in my own life and my own experiences as enough, and trust that my belief is sufficient, that it is real and justified. It’s not called a leap of faith for nothing, but I choose to believe that what Judaism teaches about the existence of God is real.  Perhaps paradoxically, I also take comfort in the fact that my faith allows for people who doubt or even do not believe – Humanistic Judaism is not something I ever see myself subscribing to, but I like the fact that just because you don’t believe, you are cut off from the Jewish faith, and that it is open to so many diverse interpretations.

To end, let me shamelessly copy the Ima on the Bima, who posted this song at the end of her own entry on “believe”:

To me, this song says it perfectly.

There can be miracles/when you believe.